Pirates wanted money/treasure/booty (not that kind of booty). They would do whatever they could to get it. They didn’t care who you were, they cared if you could get them said treasure (whether as part of their crew, or those handing over the treasure); and the thing is…THEY WERE HONEST ABOUT IT!
We are never going to advocate for being 100% Pirate, for obvious reasons. We are, however, going to suggest we all take on some aspects of Pirate life.
We have scoured the internet in search of some lies told by companies to boost their sales. They have the same treasure-hunting goal as Pirates, sure, but they don’t have the truth-telling characteristics to go along with it.
Here are a few that we want to shout about the loudest:
LIE: “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day”
LIAR: Kellogg’s
In 1917, Kellogg’s decided they needed to boost their sales. Breakfast just wasn’t an exciting or important meal. (There are even times in England’s history, during the Middle Ages, when Catholic Church leaders encouraged the population to frown upon breakfast as a sinful sign of gluttony.)
Kellog’s lie has become part of common conversation whenever anyone skips breakfast. So, the next time you don’t have time for your 8:00am Coco Pops, just remember, Kellogg’s have been lying to you this whole time.
LIE: “Blue Monday”
LIAR: Sky Travel
Blue Monday is supposedly the most depressing day of the year. Falling on the ambiguous ‘third Monday in January’, it is apparently the point when most people have failed their New-Year resolutions, the weather is dreary, people are realising they overspent on Christmas, and the upbeat holiday period is well and truly over.
This term was coined in 2005 for a promotional campaign for Sky Travel. The goal here was to persuade people to book a holiday for this time to alleviate those ‘Blue Monday blues”, thus boosting the company’s sales in a less-than-profitable time.
LIE: “Toning shoes are a hidden beauty secret”
LIAR: New Balance
In 2012, New Balance released a new set of trainers designed to burn 8 percent more calories than your average shoe. OR SO THEY SAID! Claims were also made that the new design “activated” lower, less utilised, muscles in order to keep the wearer constantly toning by keeping them slightly off balance whilst wearing the shoes.
However, this was a lie.
In a study completed for the resulting lawsuit it was proven that this new balance (pun VERY much intended) technology could actually cause significant injury to the wearer. This study also proved that there were zero positive side-effects from wearing the shoes. Pretty disappointing.
LIE: “Eclipse Gum kills germs that cause bad breath”
LIAR: Wrigley’s
Wrigley’s claimed that their new eclipse gum didn’t just mask bad breath like other chewing gums, but actually killed the germs that caused it. This was not true. There was no secret ingredient that outed the nasty smells and eradicated them as promised. Eclipse simply masked them just like the other brands. We’re not angry, just disappointed.
LIE: “Rice Krispies help your immune system”
LIAR: Kellogg’s (again)
Cereal-liars (you’re welcome) Kellogg’s are back again, this time with immune-boosting Rice Krispies. Claiming that a special blend of vitamins and antioxidants helped to boost the immune systems of the consumers, many were convinced to buy the product. Especially as the release coincided with the Swine Flu scare of 2009. Kellogg’s agreed to pull the slogan whilst still claiming that it was, in fact, true. Talk about going down with your ship. (Pirate joke.)
LIE: “Probiotic Yoghurts make your gut healthier”
LIAR: Danone
Activia Yoghurts are packed with healthy bacteria that help to regulate your digestive system and to boost the good bacteria in your gut, which makes you healthier all-round. Right? Well, not exactly. Activia claimed that their unique blend of bacteria was much more effective than any other probiotic yoghurt, hence the increased price. However, there was never any research done to validate these claims by Danone. Sales shot through the roof, obviously, until it was decided Danone either had to do research into these claims or stop promoting them.
So, to conclude this lesson: be more Pirate, and just tell the truth. Be honest about what you’re after and be open about your journey to get there. The Pirates would be proud of you.
